depressed.

sometimes i really wanna talk to someone who speaks English so much.
Especially when i saw a movie like SATC. im dying to have a conversation in English. Pretending like Carrie Bradshaw; classy witty and hot. I imagine that im that kind of a girl who speaks and act like her. like the girls in the films. I imagined it so many times over and over.
it turns out, i feel i can do that. i can be like Carrie Bradshaw. But the reality is not that glamorous. The reality is boring. No such thing around you. The reality is sit by the bar at 1 am sipping a glass of beer and smoking alone. im not in NY. there are no men or world like in TV show.
All you'll going to have is hangover. Thats the reality. And, i must confess, i get that a lot of times. and thats sucks.
Man, why can’t i live like that?. that i meant the world of Carrie's.
i know thats a stupid question. but i cannot hold it.
man..
I was almost calling some jerks might wanna do me and ask them to come up to see me at the bar. it was close. g.. but i didn’t. im not that drunk or lost my mind yet.
besides, i know im asking too much. thats the TV drama or movie. get real.
the thing is, i found out i was lonely. so much. after all, i cannot be alone. Its pathetic.
how much do i have to take. how much more i have to wait. why should i be afraid. (wow. its like a rhyme)
some one please gimme a sign or whatever that calm me down. that feeling OK to being alone.
i need a strengths. i know.
how easy i get depressed. may be thats who i am. may be it happens rest of my life..